. Guilt still boiled through me. “Um ... well ... Good luck, Mr. Preston.”“Yeah,” the mayor said. “You’re just going to be like I used to be. A spineless eel not willing to take chances. To mold this town.” There was a fever in the man’s eyes. “I tried, and look what happened. Small minds, Mr. Davies. Everyone has small minds. They don’t see the truth that this is all just bullshit.”“Okay,” I said, shifting.“Bullshit. You’re going to repeal my tax, aren’t you? First thing. You’re going to undo the one good thing I ever did.”“You went too far,” I said, this awkward strain warping the air around us. There was nothing I could do to fix this. Mayor Wright was proof of why I had to think of everything before acting. I couldn’t afford to fuck-up again.“I didn’t go far enough,” he said. He sighed. “Just remember that. You’re serving the people. You need to make their lives better. Everyone. I didn’t realize that at first.” He shook his head. “Too late now.”“I will,” I said, feeling. Maybe it was the danger that was the real magnet for my thoughts. I'd never really done anything dangerous. Was that the thing that started the adrenaline flowing? I liked to think so; but deep down inside, I knew that the thing I really craved was not danger, but the total loss of control. How intoxicating I found the concept! But walking down that alley went beyond rational feelings. This was insane, and I knew it! Still, I also knew that I'd be doing it again soon (I glanced at the clock — just one more hour!), and I loved the feeling; loved the way my skin tingled and my stomach knotted in uncertainty. Oh God, I was horny!I tried to rationalize things as I began the long process of closing up the library: putting the various periodical carts away, checking the emergency exits and windows, stacking the last-minute books for sorting by tomorrow's 2-person volunteer staff. The chances of my actually getting raped in that alley (or anywhere else in this town) were exceedingly small..
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